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I just want to put this out there.
Someone needs to read this. I don’t know who but it’s someone. Maybe it’s you. You are beautiful. You are worthy. Your life matters. You matter.
I spent a long time hating my life… hating myself. Hate is a strong word that I don’t like to use but that’s the only word to describe it. I would look in the mirror and tell my reflection “this is not your life.” I would turn around and continue going through the motions.
It feels so good to not be who I used to be.
I will never take for granted the fact that Steven and I can both leave our phones lying around the house unlocked (not that they even get locked in the first place) and unattended. I love the fact that we can borrow each other’s phones if we ever need to.
It’s a glorious feeling that when I see that he’s changed his password to his email, I know it’s because (just like me) he more than likely forgot his password and had to reset it. Just FYI, we use his YouTube for this blog and I was going to link it to something… so no, I wasn’t “checking up” on him. I’ll get his password later… no biggie!
There’s no hiding anything. It wasn’t like that in the beginning. I was a nervous wreck when we got together. I mean about EVERYTHING. My fear was that he would hurt me (emotionally). I just knew he was going to switch and be like every other man I’d ever known. Side note: I’ve never been in a physically abusive relationship… only emotionally and verbally abusive. But, I can assure you, it did its intended damage.
Shortly before I met Steven, I was talking to a guy friend of mine. I was asking him how it was that I always ended up with the same type of man? Why did the ones who always treated me badly seem to always seek ME out?
His advice changed my life.
He said “it’s because you like it.” I did a double-take. “I’m sorry, WHAT?!” I responded. “You end up with men who mistreat you because you like it.” he repeated. So, of course I was miffed, baffled, and curious. He went on to explain that I go for the men who treat me bad because that’s all I’ve ever known. That is my norm. I’m comfortable in my norm. Any guy that treats me different (that treats me well) will get my cold shoulder because it’s weird and strange and makes me uncomfortable because it’s NOT my norm.
Change your norm. You CAN be happy.